Serious Cycle

Day 3 began with a delicious breakfast: 1 mesquite flour pancake, 1 chicken sausage patty, watermelon & orange juice soaked bananas.
The gals and I made our way to spin, not just spin bitches, "serious" cycle. This ride led by instructor Patrick, who told us that he rode 16 miles on his bike to work this morning, kicked our asses. We rode for 82 minutes (#determined, #yougotthis, #painful, #ican'tdothis, #iwilldothis, #youdidit -- the ride sometimes reflects your life, that is what spin master Patrick said), followed by Core Conditioning (all abs all the time for 45 min) and then if that wasn't enough for Hol and I, yeah, we took Deep Water Pump swim class (think trying not to drown for 45 minutes).
Best class of the day: sitting by the pool after lunch.
Spa services continue to be superior -- the more massage the better...mud wrap and hot stone pedicure.

The ranch day 2

As we walked back to our room from dinner, lightening lit up the clouds behind the mountain range...a beautiful setting.
Here is how I spent the day:
Breakfast included 2 poached eggs, hot quinoa, fruit, a taste of banana bread and coffee.
Lunch was salad with balsamic dressing, chicken curry wrap, a taste of tomato-mozzarella pizza, wild berry ice tea and a taste of the berry-banana smoothie of the day.
Dinner started with salad bar (asparagus, cucumber), Jen and I shared the mushroom strudel and the sea bass, and we each had a vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce.
Workout classes:
Spin
Fitness First (think Jane Fonda)
Aqua Zumba (really!)
Abs Express
Vinyasa Yoga
Spa:
Scalp massage
Body scrub 

My sister asked me today how my trip has been so far. I gave the question some thought.  I answered - Pretty good. But I am not happy.

the ranch day 1

thank god i never had to share canyon ranch with glenn.

i arrived here today and this place is all MINE!

lunch: tomato soup, chicken kale salad, tomato/mozzarella baguette (we shared this three ways) and a side of pineapple

we took a pilates mat class, and then we headed into our first spa service of the trip. for me it was an 80-minute massage. my body definitely succumbed to relaxing, but i couldn't turn off my head. during the massage i reviewed january 2 & 3. trying to look into glenn's eyes in my memory. trying to hear any clue in his voice. i continue to wonder how of all people i didn't know what was going through his mind.

dinner, bingo and bed tonight.

fourth of july

this was never our holiday. in fact i think july 4th was an annual worst day of the year for us.
the day pretty much went like this...glenn and todd/jackson and kevin and grant and manny, etc left early to golf. wives and kids arrived later to the golf club for lunch, july 4th parade, swim races, bouncy house, games (bingo), dinner/dessert (bbq, mac n cheese, cheesey bread, banana cream pie, peanut butter cookies) music, hot chocolate and fireworks. 
for the record by noon (when we all arrived), these husbands were everything but sober and anything but useful. 
glenn, who in general scored pretty high for being one of those super helpful involved dads, was a complete piece of shit on this day.
he, along with his fellow dads, was insensitive, nasty, disgusting, immature, stinky, and arrogant (if i'm forgetting any other descriptives, girls, - please chime in!). we pretty much fought until the next day.

today, 7/4/13, a small group of us returned to the club for the annual festivities. todd celebrated his hole in one. we all toasted him (and missed glenn). 

sitting under the grand fireworks, i reflected...especially on the past. i turned to hollye and said, "i would do just about anything to have glenn be here tonight with us."

leaving for my home away from home tomorrow morning. as of tonight, i'm hoping to journal while i am out of town.

nap

i guess today i finally relaxed a little bit. even connie said i looked a little content. 
this afternoon, i went down for a short rest, which turned into a nap.
firstly, let me say that i don't and have never liked to nap. i do not like the feeling of waking up from a nap...i'm usually a little disoriented.
i think i slept for almost an hour, and when i woke up - i was confused where i was and what day it was.
in my mind i went through the logic - i am in morgan's bed, today is wednesday, girls are at camp (good reports so far from renee and deb, and pics are already up online), and oh my god, glenn is really gone. the heavy feeling in my heart and sick feeling in my gut brought me back to that day in january. 
it's been 6 months.

grateful that i got to see grot and olga twice. tonight we (grot, olga, jen, sinaiko, kristal, connie, ed) all went out for korean dinner and connie did an amazing job of ordering and making sure our tummies were happy. 

going for a neighborhood run/santa monica stairs on july 4th.

camp alonim 2013

morgan said it best today when explaining to someone about being at alonim -- "it's my home away from home." and later in the car ride she shared that camp really is her second home - her safe place to be herself, to cry, to laugh, to question, to think. i share the same sentiments, even when i return twice a year. the "old" friends i reunited today gave me both comfort knowing that they are still very present in my life, and that my daughters are blessed to have caring and loving people looking out for them these next 3 weeks.

ed is returning to circuit works with me - we're taking scott's class at 7a.

absence

glenn's absence today was profound.
obviously because of his birthday, but also because together we celebrated the eve of camp drop-off,  looking forward to being just sheryl & glenn for 3 weeks. i go to bed tonight with more firsts checked off the list.

morgan, sara and i each filled the day with things we needed to accomplish before camp: therapy, writing thank you notes, studying world history, swimming, last minute packing, cheer practice, etc. we all talked about it being daddy's birthday, and for sara, she "acknowledged it" but it was just another day. she is so excited to go to alonim and her excitement for life continues to be brilliant.
while morgan was packing she couldn't find her camera battery which caused much frustration for her, and when she and i took a pause in searching for it, she shared that the moment not only sucked because she couldn't find the battery, but also "because it is daddy's birthday." her tears were short-lived and i could tell the release helped her. minutes later sara came into morgan's room to help and the first place sara looked, she found it. i took off my crown today and named sara the new "queen of find." all of that brought a few smiles, and everyone was able to move about throughout the day.

dinner was exactly what the three girls (jane, too) ordered: carne asada! so we made a big taco bar which also included ground turkey meat, rice, beans, salad, corn, salsa, guac, chips, crunchy taco shells and flour tortillas. aunty andy brought diddy riese cookies, we busted out the favorite scotchmallows (thanks for jen schiff), and tastes of ciao bella's key lime graham squares (kudos to paula). 

ed and i are meeting hollye at the circuit works 7a class tomorrow.