2 days before alonim drop-off
5 days til canyon ranch
swimming laps tomorrow at noon with the smallies.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
june 30
the night before glenn's birthday
2 days before alonim drop-off
5 days til canyon ranch
swimming laps tomorrow at noon with the smallies.
2 days before alonim drop-off
5 days til canyon ranch
swimming laps tomorrow at noon with the smallies.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
happy birthday matt marsh
yoga this morning was exactly what my body needed - it helped me feel more restored and grounded. and yay, sara & connie joined us too. sara is super flexible and it was so easy for her to flow into bird of paradise and slide into her splits.
tonight was all about celebrating matt's birthday, hosted by his wife and my wonderful friend michelle. the party highlights for me:
sitting next to the birthday boy, of course
dinner at crustacean
lavender mojitos
hanging with steph & jake
the fact that the restaurant was packed downstairs because music peeps were pre-partying for the BET Awards (to air tomorrow night)
Cee-Lo was in the house
the weirdest part of the evening was when we began to sit around the table and the woman next to me asked if my better half was joining, and all i could muster up was a polite no. i mean, what was i going to say? uh, no, actually my husband shot himself in the head this past january. i didn't want to kill my mojito buzz.
spinning in the 8a kinetic class with h, p and e.
Friday, June 28, 2013
the run - part 2
it has been an emotional rollercoaster this past week going from the bat mitzvah to the lake arrowhead house. we shared some hugs and tears as sara locked up the arrowhead house today, and not more than 5 minutes after driving away, the girls were already chattering away about camp and how excited they are.
tonight we are happy to be back in our santa monica nest again.
this morning ed and i hit the trail again.
i felt so much slower than i did on wednesday, but my time was pretty consistent.
after ed probably figured out that i wasn't scared of bears (on our first run he yelled "bear" to motivate me to catch up to him and well, that didn't really work), every 10 minutes or so he called out to make sure i was okay. we were a good team.
i did stumble on the trail today, first time ever. i didn't get hurt, but it startled me. my hands caught my fall and i have minor scratches to show for it. my head was so foggy thinking about how glenn didn't really know how to cope with life's downs and flats. he only seemed to know what to do in the up moments. i know that he started the process more recently in his life, but he definitely resisted looking too deep within. it's one thing to analyze and talk about other people's flaws or problems, but facing your own, learning to understand them, and ultimately having the awareness to change or accept is being most true to yourself.
my ultimate goal as a mom is to give my daughters the foundation of how to cope in life and allow them to face both good and bad. my biggest fear right now is that they will fall into their father's footsteps.
going to the 7a yogahop class tomorrow with paula (and maybe connie : )
tonight we are happy to be back in our santa monica nest again.
this morning ed and i hit the trail again.
i felt so much slower than i did on wednesday, but my time was pretty consistent.
after ed probably figured out that i wasn't scared of bears (on our first run he yelled "bear" to motivate me to catch up to him and well, that didn't really work), every 10 minutes or so he called out to make sure i was okay. we were a good team.
i did stumble on the trail today, first time ever. i didn't get hurt, but it startled me. my hands caught my fall and i have minor scratches to show for it. my head was so foggy thinking about how glenn didn't really know how to cope with life's downs and flats. he only seemed to know what to do in the up moments. i know that he started the process more recently in his life, but he definitely resisted looking too deep within. it's one thing to analyze and talk about other people's flaws or problems, but facing your own, learning to understand them, and ultimately having the awareness to change or accept is being most true to yourself.
my ultimate goal as a mom is to give my daughters the foundation of how to cope in life and allow them to face both good and bad. my biggest fear right now is that they will fall into their father's footsteps.
going to the 7a yogahop class tomorrow with paula (and maybe connie : )
Thursday, June 27, 2013
arrowhead day 3
today was probably the most trying so far since we arrived.
morgan was having a hard time being at the house without glenn, while it seemed like sara was channeling her shit-eating-grin dad.
and me? i fucking drove the boat.
thank god for ed who was my co-captain. he parked the boat, but i drove it around the lake all day. i even pushed on the throttle for speed and i think i actually liked it. the passengers sure did.
in every aspect of my life my roles have shifted (in such an enormous way) that i don't recognize myself.
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morgan was having a hard time being at the house without glenn, while it seemed like sara was channeling her shit-eating-grin dad.
and me? i fucking drove the boat.
thank god for ed who was my co-captain. he parked the boat, but i drove it around the lake all day. i even pushed on the throttle for speed and i think i actually liked it. the passengers sure did.
in every aspect of my life my roles have shifted (in such an enormous way) that i don't recognize myself.
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Wednesday, June 26, 2013
arrowhead day 2
the morning began with "the run";
the run that glenn took me on hundreds of times, today i ran it with ed.
all i could think about was the endless conversations, arguments, fights, cold shoulders, dreams and fears we shared, hungover and flirtatious dialogues we exchanged on that trail from the arrowhead house to the marina. 45 minutes of uphill and downhill, always interesting and what i believed was always honest. i had second thoughts today.
what did i miss most? glenn being glenn. sprinting ahead of me to show off, catcalling at my ass, motivating me when i was dragging behind.
planning to kick that trail's ass on friday at 8:30a.
the run that glenn took me on hundreds of times, today i ran it with ed.
all i could think about was the endless conversations, arguments, fights, cold shoulders, dreams and fears we shared, hungover and flirtatious dialogues we exchanged on that trail from the arrowhead house to the marina. 45 minutes of uphill and downhill, always interesting and what i believed was always honest. i had second thoughts today.
what did i miss most? glenn being glenn. sprinting ahead of me to show off, catcalling at my ass, motivating me when i was dragging behind.
planning to kick that trail's ass on friday at 8:30a.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
arrowhead day 1
the drive up the hill flooded me with memories - so many trips with glenn and with morgan and with morgan and sara, with our friends, our cousins, grandmothers, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles. this place was glenn's sanctuary and every where we turn it has his fucking smile.
first thing first, the girls hopped out of the car (car sick as ever) and asked when we could get on the boat...todd was 20 minutes away...thank god, because i definitely was not getting behind that wheel today. typical in arrowhead fashion, the battery on the boat was DEAD - just like glenn. but lake assist rescued us and we told don to bill glenn.
once todd got us out of the slip (and let me add that he did it without crashing), the four girls (morgan, sara, maguire & jane) had huge smiles and we were off for the day.
i guess the saddest part of today is the harsh reality that glenn isn't here and arrowhead is just one more thing i'm mourning in my old life.
motherfucker.
first thing first, the girls hopped out of the car (car sick as ever) and asked when we could get on the boat...todd was 20 minutes away...thank god, because i definitely was not getting behind that wheel today. typical in arrowhead fashion, the battery on the boat was DEAD - just like glenn. but lake assist rescued us and we told don to bill glenn.
once todd got us out of the slip (and let me add that he did it without crashing), the four girls (morgan, sara, maguire & jane) had huge smiles and we were off for the day.
- subway sandwiches
- swimming in the lake
- working on the boat
- runs to the market for hershey bars, mike n ikes and milano cookies
- scategories
- the golden family came over for a boat ride and visit
- beers, wine, balvenie and bacardi bahama mamas, and a sunset
- connie & ed prepared a beautiful bbq chicken dinner
- smores, phish food, peanut butter m&ms, dark chocolate cookies
- "the walk" with todd and agi.
i guess the saddest part of today is the harsh reality that glenn isn't here and arrowhead is just one more thing i'm mourning in my old life.
motherfucker.
Monday, June 24, 2013
sara's d'var torah
Well first of all... Hi and Shabbat Shalom, and thank you for spending this special day with me. Up until only a few months ago, it was easy for me to imagine a world that was only filled with blessings, although I knew that people suffered, it hardly affected me. But since the events of last January, I’ve learned that the real world is very different and that often we might feel cursed.
As I was thinking about my Torah portion I found this quote by the philosopher Walter Anderson, he says that “bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.”
This quote relates so much to my Torah portion and my experience from the past few months of my life. My perspective has changed so dramatically that I now understand much better, how our reaction to the bad things that happen in life define our character.
My Torah portion is about the power of blessings and curses. As you’ve heard, the main character, Balaam is a magician who is commanded to curse the Israelites by his king. However, every time he tries speak his curses, he is unable to get the words out and instead he is only able to speak words of blessing. Having tried so many times to curse them, Balaam finally figures out that God controls the words that come out of his mouth and that he will only be able to speak blessings.
The quote by Walter Anderson relates to the story in the Torah because the quote says to live your life to the fullest, and I think that the story in the torah says that because God intervention helps Balaam live his life to the fullest as well. Because of his words of blessing, we are telling his story thousands of years after it was written. Our ancestors put stories like this in the Torah for a purpose. While we can’t know for certain what that was, I think that this story teaches us important lessons for our own life. First of all I hope that none of us will ever be cursing anybody, but if we ever do we know now to think before we speak.
In the Torah’s story, Balaam is unable to curse the Israelites through his words, they only experience blessings. But we all know that few people can ever experience only blessings. I suppose that even when you follow the rules bad things do happen, I mean it’s in the circle of life for crying out loud. Sometimes I believe that if I do the right thing I might actually catch God’s attention, and make sure that not as many bad things do happen in my life. But, other times I don’t believe that God does hear and respond to your prayers because, well look at me: did I do anything wrong to deserve any of this? And have we as a community done anything wrong to deserve this? Maybe, it’s just that even if God doesn’t hear or respond to our prayers, prayer gets us moving and it keeps us hopeful for whatever we are praying for.
Prayer also helps us shape our character it lets us know who we are by what we are praying for.
If two people are praying next to each other and person A was praying for another person’s health, and person B was praying for another person to have something bad happen to them, which one of them do you think is a better person? When I think about it more, I think that I’m in control of much of my own life but even if I do everything right, bad things still can happen. But, I know that I usually feel good after I have done something great. Maybe the story of Balaam is a wish of sorts: if only God controlled the world so that only blessings happened.
I have chosen to live my life in the most positive way possible. I have been loved by so many people and have created so many new friends from gymnastics, camp, the Academy, and school. Without all of these activities, I probably wouldn’t have been as close with my cuzzies, camp friends, the carpool gang, my awesome friends, my orchestra friends. It’s there that I found the only guy I know who will tell me my future and act like a two year old in front of me, and the few friends that will hold my hand when I really need it.
Living in the most positive way is a choice that I have made not only for myself, but for my friends, family, and community too, just like God had made the choice by making it impossible for Balaam to say anything negative, because that is not only affecting Balaam, but affecting the Israelites as well. Living in a positive way effects my peers too because when I am honest with them, I am honest with myself.
This morning I thought to myself is this really going to happen, in just a few short hours I will be an adult of some sort, but the best part is that I get to celebrate with my friends and family! Speaking of friends and family, I would like to thank some of those people!
First off, thank you again for being here today to celebrate Jane and me on our B’not Mitzvah. I would like to thank Rabbis Herscher and Stern for working with me and to help me connect more with this D’var Torah, Jacklyn for helping me get out all of my laughs and spaz attacks, for taking me to mani/pedis, for the balloon that is still there to this day, for mi yeki menu, and mostly for making today as easy as it could possibly be. I would also like to thank Canter Fortman for being here today.
To all of you grandparents, thank you all for motivating me and getting me here today!
Mommy, thank you for everything, I know you love my foot massages, and they will keep on coming, I love when you make me laugh, and I love that I will always be able to count on you, I love you to the moon and back.
Morgan, you are the best sister in the entire galaxy, I love flying both like an airplane and like a real flyer with you, I love making you laugh with my stupid words, for example, my 5th grade essay, I love when you make me laugh, especially with your Harry Potter wait no not anymore now its you Dr.Who pintrest jokes, thank you for being there for me, I love being your dear big sister, I love you!
Aunty and Uncle Ricky, thank you so so so so much for helping my mommy plan today! I love you both!
Jane, you are a FANTABULOUS cuzzie, remember when we ate yellow snow when we were three that was funny, I love going to Lake Arrowhead with you, I love shopping with you on Black Friday, now we know how to shop for real, I love holding and hugging you and being with you, and thank you for doing this B’not Mitzvah with me, you made it much easier for me. I love you so much!
Maguire, thank you for being with me through these hard times, and thanks for playing the Uke with me, I love you.
And thank you to my friends and family from everywhere and thank you to my community. Shabbat Shalom!
As I was thinking about my Torah portion I found this quote by the philosopher Walter Anderson, he says that “bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.”
This quote relates so much to my Torah portion and my experience from the past few months of my life. My perspective has changed so dramatically that I now understand much better, how our reaction to the bad things that happen in life define our character.
My Torah portion is about the power of blessings and curses. As you’ve heard, the main character, Balaam is a magician who is commanded to curse the Israelites by his king. However, every time he tries speak his curses, he is unable to get the words out and instead he is only able to speak words of blessing. Having tried so many times to curse them, Balaam finally figures out that God controls the words that come out of his mouth and that he will only be able to speak blessings.
The quote by Walter Anderson relates to the story in the Torah because the quote says to live your life to the fullest, and I think that the story in the torah says that because God intervention helps Balaam live his life to the fullest as well. Because of his words of blessing, we are telling his story thousands of years after it was written. Our ancestors put stories like this in the Torah for a purpose. While we can’t know for certain what that was, I think that this story teaches us important lessons for our own life. First of all I hope that none of us will ever be cursing anybody, but if we ever do we know now to think before we speak.
In the Torah’s story, Balaam is unable to curse the Israelites through his words, they only experience blessings. But we all know that few people can ever experience only blessings. I suppose that even when you follow the rules bad things do happen, I mean it’s in the circle of life for crying out loud. Sometimes I believe that if I do the right thing I might actually catch God’s attention, and make sure that not as many bad things do happen in my life. But, other times I don’t believe that God does hear and respond to your prayers because, well look at me: did I do anything wrong to deserve any of this? And have we as a community done anything wrong to deserve this? Maybe, it’s just that even if God doesn’t hear or respond to our prayers, prayer gets us moving and it keeps us hopeful for whatever we are praying for.
Prayer also helps us shape our character it lets us know who we are by what we are praying for.
If two people are praying next to each other and person A was praying for another person’s health, and person B was praying for another person to have something bad happen to them, which one of them do you think is a better person? When I think about it more, I think that I’m in control of much of my own life but even if I do everything right, bad things still can happen. But, I know that I usually feel good after I have done something great. Maybe the story of Balaam is a wish of sorts: if only God controlled the world so that only blessings happened.
I have chosen to live my life in the most positive way possible. I have been loved by so many people and have created so many new friends from gymnastics, camp, the Academy, and school. Without all of these activities, I probably wouldn’t have been as close with my cuzzies, camp friends, the carpool gang, my awesome friends, my orchestra friends. It’s there that I found the only guy I know who will tell me my future and act like a two year old in front of me, and the few friends that will hold my hand when I really need it.
Living in the most positive way is a choice that I have made not only for myself, but for my friends, family, and community too, just like God had made the choice by making it impossible for Balaam to say anything negative, because that is not only affecting Balaam, but affecting the Israelites as well. Living in a positive way effects my peers too because when I am honest with them, I am honest with myself.
This morning I thought to myself is this really going to happen, in just a few short hours I will be an adult of some sort, but the best part is that I get to celebrate with my friends and family! Speaking of friends and family, I would like to thank some of those people!
First off, thank you again for being here today to celebrate Jane and me on our B’not Mitzvah. I would like to thank Rabbis Herscher and Stern for working with me and to help me connect more with this D’var Torah, Jacklyn for helping me get out all of my laughs and spaz attacks, for taking me to mani/pedis, for the balloon that is still there to this day, for mi yeki menu, and mostly for making today as easy as it could possibly be. I would also like to thank Canter Fortman for being here today.
To all of you grandparents, thank you all for motivating me and getting me here today!
Mommy, thank you for everything, I know you love my foot massages, and they will keep on coming, I love when you make me laugh, and I love that I will always be able to count on you, I love you to the moon and back.
Morgan, you are the best sister in the entire galaxy, I love flying both like an airplane and like a real flyer with you, I love making you laugh with my stupid words, for example, my 5th grade essay, I love when you make me laugh, especially with your Harry Potter wait no not anymore now its you Dr.Who pintrest jokes, thank you for being there for me, I love being your dear big sister, I love you!
Aunty and Uncle Ricky, thank you so so so so much for helping my mommy plan today! I love you both!
Jane, you are a FANTABULOUS cuzzie, remember when we ate yellow snow when we were three that was funny, I love going to Lake Arrowhead with you, I love shopping with you on Black Friday, now we know how to shop for real, I love holding and hugging you and being with you, and thank you for doing this B’not Mitzvah with me, you made it much easier for me. I love you so much!
Maguire, thank you for being with me through these hard times, and thanks for playing the Uke with me, I love you.
And thank you to my friends and family from everywhere and thank you to my community. Shabbat Shalom!
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