spinning thoughts

one year ago.
normal morning.
run.
ed.
morgan.
stairs.
hollye.
news. cnn. newspaper.
talk plans for next week.
oatmeal.
yogurt and granola.

(i can't remember)

office.
new hair gel.
brief vacation discussion.
11:30-ish/Noon
"going to walk and clear my head"
"okay. see you later"
"see ya" (i think)

(i can't remember)

1:30pm.
where are you?
looking out at the ocean
good. just wanted to check in.

2:50pm.
did you leave money for karla?
yep.

confirmed plans with paula to meet up at casa del mar at 5pm.
walk with connie.
"weird that i haven't heard back from glenn."
phone call to his cell.
no answer.
"he better not be jumping off a cliff."
"no he wouldn't do that."
"where the fuck is he? i'm gonna give him a half hour more to hear from him, and i'll call todd or justin."

4:15pm. 
called todd.
"is glenn with you?" "i'm worried." "please go look for him. he went to take a walk up westridge." "i'm so scared." "this isn't right."
called justin.
"is glenn with you?" "he has been out of touch with me for a few hours." "will you call raphael and ask if he has heard from glenn?"

called glenn's cell phone for the next 2 hours. rang and rang. eventually phone went immediately to voice mail.

5pm.
sent sandra home.
sent connie and ed to meet paula.
explained to girls that daddy went on a walk. it is now dark, and maybe he got lost in westridge.
made some light hearted funnies about their kinda-dumb dad who would get lost in the mountains. only daddy.
hollye came over.
donald and hollye held my hand through every step.
called police. reported that my husband is missing.
todd, jackson, michael, kevin, grant on the hunt.

6:45pm.
connie, ed and paula returned from casa del mar.
gun case found in glenn's car trunk.
interviewed by police.
"no we don't own a gun." "i last heard from him at around 3pm." "no, he wasn't hiking. he went on a walk to clear his head." "i don't think he was suicidal." "please, i'm so scared. don't leave me alone on the phone." "you are sending helicopters to look for him?" "it's so cold. will he be okay?"

called glenn's cell. "honey, i'm calling to tell you i love you. the police are looking for you. look up in the sky for the choppers. they are coming to help you. i love you."

if he is fucking stoned, and lost his way, or fell off the path, i'm gonna kill him.

not sure of the time.
amy came over.
took care of feeding the girls. dumb tv, and toast for them.

house was freezing.
shivering.
"am i about to plan a funeral?"

on the phone with todd: "i don't want the police to tell me he is dead. i want you to tell me."

called cary. "sher, he would never own a gun. he would never do that."
"i'm gonna kill him if he killed himself."
marsha called.
hollye, amy, connie made calls and updates to jen and cary.

shallow breathing.
shivering.
funeral.
funeral.
funeral.
wtf.
body id'ed
todd. grant. kevin.
crying.
crying.
howling.
shivering.
wtf.
wtf.
what happened?
what just happened?
"i have to tell the girls."
more phone calls.
cindy, michael, stephanie, jake.
numb.
wtf.
wtf.
what the fuck.
fuck.

hanukkah gift from morgan & sara

(the story of my life, by one direction- get your adobe flash player on or go to your fucking desktop, losers, if can't open this)