Every day I wake up and the person I think about is Glenn. His suicide. His businesses. His family.
I lay in bed for several minutes running through a series of images and thoughts. Why did he do it. How could he do it. What was he thinking about. How was his mind wired. What influenced him in his earlier life. Did the girls and I cross his mind ever. How could he not want a life with his daughters. What did he look like when he died.
I have to wake up everyday with these questions and the fact that Glenn attained a gun. He put that gun in his hand. And pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger.
So far life hasn't gotten better or easier. No. When people ask me how I am - I have no problem telling them exactly how it is for me. And, I have found that there are plenty of people who don't want the truth, so they don't ask.
I've accepted that, and the fact that I may never know why, what and how. But it doesn't mean I won't stop asking.
back to CW early!
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