kinda like a rebirth

not to overstate the obvious, but this was the worst year in my life.
when i think back to that horrific night and my mind scans throughout the year, i (sometimes) can't believe i'm standing on two feet.
i've recharted, took steps and made decisions to help me become the best new me.
i'm not sure if january 4, 2014 will bring a sigh of relief, an angst that i have another year ahead of me or a numbness. i guess i will have to just see.
that is how i spend most of my hours and days and weeks....taking what comes. not the school, cheer and gym scheduling of it all, but all of the emotions, and whims, and i guess everything else that just is out of my (our) control. i am relieved that i gave up trying to control "all of it" months and months ago. it was the most challenging thing i have ever done. and i'm certain there will be times that i will try to grab the reigns, which aren't even there. 
so all this being said, i'm a very different person than i was a year ago. someone i hardly recognize. i do love when i see glimpses of the old me. i miss the old me. but i think it is time to let her go.
CW at 7a (holiday hours)

"Let Her Go" by Passenger

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go