rosh hashana

we didn't ask for this new life or for a new family structure.
but, we are adjusting to this new life and new family structure.

i am finding myself having difficulty in wishing "happy" new year to people (the words just are not coming out so easy), rather i am comforted in saying have a peaceful and meaningful new year. probably because that is all i can hope for anyone, including myself.

the passage that touched us most tonight:

"We sit together as a congregation, united at this hour because we are Jews. In the coming year we will go our separate ways. Many of us will celebrate simchas. Others will suffer reversals. Some will suffer illness, other divorce, and a few will no longer be here when the next Rosh Hashanah comes again. If we are to survive as human beings, we must not face our troubles alone. We need faith in God, and the support of our relatives and fellow Jews who share with us the cycle of life. From birth to death we are part of one community, kindred souls. Each of us will have opportunities in the next year to share both simchas and sorrows. Oh God, give us courage to give of ourselves to people sitting among us now, who will someday be in need. No one knows today who will need comfort tomorrow. May we be ready to reach out, whether we be needed, or be in need. May we say, as did the first Jew, when called upon: "Hineyni -- here I am."

sitting in services last year on this exact night I never in a million years thought I would be journaling publicly on wtfgc about my husband and the father of our two daughters, who died because he committed suicide. but as i read and re-read the above passage, which I have been reciting aloud along with my community for decades on Erev Rosh Hashanah, this reminds me that we are human and that we don't really know what is coming next in our lives. but what we hopefully do know is that we aren't alone. 

so as the girls and i begin to enter the gates of 5774 we will take stock of what the three of us have accomplished. before we left to meet the graysons for dinner tonight, morgan, sara and i had a meaningful talk. the one thing we do know about this coming new year is that the three of us will get through whatever "it" is...together. we know that we will support one another and love each other. i told them to look back at these last 8 months to see how far we've come along. as much as i was optimistic, i offered the realistic side as well - i reminded them that emotions will come and go as we continue to mourn and experience the many more firsts ahead of us. we hugged and headed out the door....on time, let me add, because for as much as Glenn used to blame us for being late...the girls and i knew all along it was always him who held us up.